Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize