RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
