Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
