she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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