The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
