3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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