Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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