Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
