So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
