No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
