So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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