i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
