I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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