She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
