dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Randomize
