her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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