He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
