you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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