if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
