lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
