mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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