Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
