She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
