The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
