you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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