Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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