Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
