How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
