I'm lost and stupid without you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
