So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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