have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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