Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
