what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
