I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
