I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dear god my vagina.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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