im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
