Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
