I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
