dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
