Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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