its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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