you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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