wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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