You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
