If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
