You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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