Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
