omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
