I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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