A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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