I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
