DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
