you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
